Feedback received from readers of the first edition of Love Skills attests to the relevance and helpfulness of material in this book for many readers. Nevertheless, you may find this is not true for you. The primary focus of this book is to help you become more comfortable with your sexuality and to increase your enjoyment of sex. It is not intended to resolve all of the sexual concerns you may have. Consult a physician or a licensed mental health professional who is also certified in sex therapy if you have any doubts about the personal appropriateness of carrying out any suggestion made herein. There are suggestions that may even be illegal in your state or country—for example, the legality of purchasing sex toys is uncertain at present in Alabama. Know what the laws are where you live. If you break them, proceed at your own risk.

If you have any medical condition, including one that precludes strenuous activity, or take medications that might interfere with sexual activity, you should first visit a physician. All sexual activity carries with it certain inherent risks. You are encouraged to consistently use a medically sound approach to avoid sexually transmitted diseases. Unless you are attempting to conceive, you are also encouraged to use some form of birth control. Abstinence, however, is recognized as the only foolproof approach to disease and pregnancy prevention.

Neither Aphrodite Press, nor anyone associated with the writing and production of this book shall be held liable or responsible to any person or entity for any loss, damage, injury or ailment caused, or alleged to be caused, directly or indirectly, by the information or lack of information contained in this book.

Love Skills, More fun than you’ve ever had:

“I never dreamed how much fun sex could be. We used to approach it as a physical work kind of thing. Trying to push and pull the right levers and things. That seemed difficult enough. Now it’s easy, because we’ve learned to make sex fun and keep it fun.” Donna, 22

“I wish I had told my husband what turns me on sexually a long time ago. It would have saved us from a lot of bad feelings and a lot of heartache.” (Monica, 31)

“I’m at the point sexually in my relationship that I’m bored with the same old stuff. I’d like to try new things.” (Gary, 24)

“I don’t know if I want to tell him that ‘I miss you kissing all over my back.’ Touching in my relationship is limited to nothing but the necessary areas.”(Faye, 40)

“Sex is supposed to be simple, but it isn’t. I really wish we could get a tutorial of some sort so that we could learn how to have a really rich and nourishing sex life. It would add a lot to our relationship.”(Adam, 34)

If sex isn’t fun, it isn’t anything. Think about it. What do you want from a sexually intimate relationship? If you’re like most people, your list probably contains at least some of the following:

Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? And that’s exactly what this book is about—having as much fun as possible with the intimacy, communication and sex in your relationship.

The Love Skills approach to bringing playfulness, excitement and variety into your erotic encounters asks you to make a sacrifice: You have to give up the myth that “great sex is natural.”

Knowing what your lover likes best and blending into an erotic symphony together doesn’t “just come naturally.” Developing skills in communication, intimacy and sexual contact is one of the biggest changes couples face.

What’s usually lacking is not the will—but the way. The right way to communicate, to be intimate, to blend into a larger, more exciting sexual whole.

We’re all born with the basic “hardware” needed to express our sexuality, but the “software” program—how to make the most of it and how to communicate with each other about it—is learned.

The idea that “love will conquer all” is well-intended but naïve; it simply doesn’t work that way when it comes to relating to lovers. As soon as you start a new relationship, you discover how little you know about making sex, communication and intimacy work.

Most of us lack one or more of the all-vital skills of love and, when sexually intimate relationships go wrong, that lack is often the missing link.

It’s not surprising, nor is it our fault. We live in a culture that has done very little to encourage us to learn about or to be comfortable communicating about sex.

But it’s never too late—especially if you can have fun in the process.

What Are Love Skills?

In the following chapters, you’ll find a playful, fun approach to learning “everything you need to know”: to heat up, maintain and deepen an intimate relationship.

It all starts with learning those Love Skills you’ve been lacking. That isn’t hard. You only need four skills to create sexual intimacy and communication. And they are all very easy to learn. The four Love Skills are:

What Can You Expect from this Book?

In developing these four skills and this book, I’ve drawn from many years of professional experience with clients and workshop participants, from twenty years teaching undergraduate and graduate courses in human sexuality, and from my own personal experience. (Believe it or not, psychologists make love, too!) The Love Skills program approach works because it gives lovers a systematic program for change, based on breakthrough scientific understandings of relationships and what makes them sizzle. But don’t let the “scientific” part scare you.

These ideas aren’t mere theory—although they are based on a sound, scientific, coherent perspective—they’ve worked for hundreds of people just like you.

This is not another traditional “cookbook” sex manual. Nor is it a book about how to find love, or the nature of love, or the meaning of love. The purpose of this book is very specific: to add sugar, spice and sizzle to your committed love relationship.

Love Skills leads you through an easy, step-by-step approach to blending sex, intimacy and communication skills. The process can liberate you to more fully enjoy and continually deepen the physical and emotional aspect of your sexuality and your love relationship.

As you progress through these gradual, easy-to-learn Love Skills, you’ll find yourself communicating better, savoring each other more thoroughly, becoming more accepting of yourselves and each other, and making love in more playful and daring ways than you can imagine.

Along the way, you’ll be provided with the specific insights, strategies and techniques needed to build and sustain passionate, romantic sexual intimacy into your love life.

To make your journey more enjoyable, the book is filled with the voices of real people, just like you and your lover, who have experienced the same kinds of sexual challenges you face, and who frankly share their own candid stories, thoughts and reactions on love, sex, intimacy, communication and the rest.

These quotations are drawn from personal interviews and confidential surveys I’ve conducted with thousands of students, workshop participants and clients—and they were generous enough to share with me—over the years. You’re sure to find their comments helpful, thought-provoking and insightful.

(Be warned, they are also uninhibited and quite earthy on occasion. But becoming comfortable with talking about love in frank, sexual terms is one of the skills this book teaches.)

Who Will Read this Book?

Love Skills is for anyone, couple or individual, male or female, straight, gay, bi (or anywhere between!) who:

Is a therapist or member of the clergy counseling couples in committed relationships

How is the Book Organized?

Each of the next four sections is designed to make acquiring one of the four Love Skills easy and fun, and to bring you and your lover closer together while doing it